Fortunes from Fortune Cookies


Usually, fortune cookies give you a fortune that is flattering, such as "You will succeed through your charm and personality." or "RCA will soon hear your voice". Often, you get fortunes that you've seen before, many times, in various restaurants around, even in different cities. Sometimes, you crack open a fortune cookie, and are greeted not only by a string of lucky numbers, but a funny or weird fortune that makes you wonder. These fortunes were found in actual fortune cookies in the Greater Toronto Area, home to many fine Chinese food establishments.

P.S. Here are some fortune cookie recipes.


Fortune One
New: Jan. 26, 1999
I'm thinking that this is supposed to say "Behind every able man is an able woman", but who knows?

Fortune Two
New: Jan. 26, 1999
Is the Chinese Communist Party or the Borg is trying to tell me something?

Fortune Three
New: May 17, 1999
I'm not sure if anyone would actually say something like this, but I guess it works coming from a fortune cookie.

Fortune Four
New: May. 17, 1999
I got this one at the dinner that my girlfriend broke up with me. Man, that hurts!

Fortune Five
New: Aug. 10, 1999
This one is just a bold faced lie.

Fortune Six
New: Aug. 10, 1999
I followed this advice and got arrested.

Fortune Seven
New: Aug. 10, 1999
It's true, I saw a fortune killed, cooked and eaten yesterday.

Fortune Eight
New: Aug. 10, 1999
Display alright, in a glass case right next to politeness and modesty.

Fortune Nine
New: Aug. 10, 1999
If this fortune is sarcastic, I'm in trouble.

Fortune Ten
New: Aug. 10, 1999
I guess now I just have to buy the book. (Courtesy of Van)

Fortune Eleven
New: Aug. 10, 1999
Yeah, my little brother.

Fortune Twelve
New: Aug. 10, 1999
Nice, but they didn't accept this coupon at the GAP.

Fortune Thirteen
New: Feb. 26, 2000
Ew! This one has food stains on it.

Fortune Fourteen
New: Feb. 26, 2000
Instructions from the cannibals on the Titanic.

Fortune Fifteen
New: Feb. 26, 2000
Not really a fortune, is it? It just seems to be passing the buck to another fortune cookie. Very lazy.

Fortune Sixteen
New: Feb. 26, 2000
I was quite happy when I got this fortune. Little did I know that it was refering to a deranged STALKER!

Fortune Seventeen
New: Feb. 26, 2000
This is what they told that poor Elian Gonzalez kid.

Fortune Eighteen
New: Feb. 26, 2000
This one sounds good, except when you're having Trouble with Tribbles.

Fortune Nineteen
New: Feb. 26, 2000
After eating my partner, I agreed. Too rich.

Fortune Twenty
New: Feb. 26, 2000
Great! Now all I have to do is sit here and do nothing, and I'll be RICH! (right?)

Fortune Twenty-one
New: Feb. 26, 2000
Yeah, but you wouldn't think so just by looking at me.

Fortune Twenty-two
New: Feb. 26, 2000
I got this one just after I finished a fourth helping at the local all you can eat chinese food buffet. I took it as a good sign that it was OK to go and get fifths.

Fortune Twenty-three
New: Feb. 26, 2000
I tried this one out in class. Take my word for it, it doesn't work. I still don't have a clue what that prof. was talking about.

Fortune Twenty-four
New: Feb. 26, 2000
This one works fine, until those people on the subway yell at you to stop staring at them.

Fortune Twenty-five
New: Feb. 26, 2000
After I showed this to my boss, I realized that there were some very serious spelling mistakes in this fortune cookie.

Fortune Twenty-six
New: Feb. 26, 2000
This was a very polite hint to leave the all you can eat buffet I was hanging out at.

Fortune Twenty-seven
New: Feb. 26, 2000
Mmm.. the fortune cookie around this one was soooo good.

Fortune Twenty-eight
New: Feb. 26, 2000
Sure... and it's called insider trading!

Fortune Twenty-nine
New: Feb. 26, 2000
Should being the key word here. Everything sounds nice, in theory.

Fortune Thirty
New: Feb. 26, 2000
Which honour? Oh, just some great one, or something.

If you liked this page, visit here for some more fortune cookie madness.


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